Three Keys To Conversational Intelligence
Most successful people have one thing in common even if everything else is different… They are all very intelligent speakers. This doesn’t mean that they know everything about what they are saying, but it means that they know how to speak in a way that gives them the best results at the end of the conversation. Anyone who is willing to take a second to learn can be able to create trust just by speaking and listening. Here are 3 simple things that will change your life when it comes to getting the most out of your conversations.
1. Don’t Talk Over Others Or Interrupt
Chances are, you have probably been in a conversation with someone where you can’t get a word in, and it is super frustrating. This actually releases chemicals in our brain that triggers stress, causes us to tune people out, and makes us lose interest in the conversation entirely. Some people can even go into defense mode or freak out completely.
As a leader, you do not want to be this person. No one respects that person, and you will get a lot more respect if you spend an equal amount of time listening and speaking, especially if you are the boss and you really don’t HAVE to listen. This has a huge effect on the direction of the conversation and the outcome.
Next time you are on a call, try to pay attention to how much time you spend talking versus how much time you spend listening.
2. Try To Understand Rather Than Judge
When you are listening to someone and you are spending that time thinking about what you are going to say next and how you are going to say it for the hardest impact, you are actually losing track of what the person you are speaking to is saying. This kind of listening and judging activates the lower part of our brain, which is dedicated to protecting ourselves from harm, especially social rejection and judgement toward us. This isn’t a good way to listen or to speak.
When we are listening with the true intent of connecting with that person, it activates a completely different part of our brain. Dopamine is now released into the brain, which makes us feel great. Sometimes connecting with people is all about the state of mind that you are in.
3. Ask Questions That You Don’t Have An Answer To
One of the things we like to do the most is to ask people questions that we already feel we have a clear answer to. It makes us feel smart, and it’s a way to put the other person down. Instead of waiting for a response so that you can make someone feel dumb by then giving them your much smarter response, why not try this:
When the answer is clear to you, have the courage to step back and legitimately ask the person the same question you think you have the answer to. Even if the answer in your head is crystal clear, it would be silly for you to not try and hear this person out, see what they think the best solution would be. You may end up seeing things from a new perspective, or you may be able to put your heads together and form a completely new solution. You just never know, and you can’t go into conversations with the intent of judging.
Your job as a leader is to set the conversational tone for your entire team. Not only does hearing people out the right way go a very long way to setting a good, respectful tone, but no matter how smart you are on your own, it is the best and easiest way to achieve great results and have a productive team.
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